Critical Investigation Feedback

WWW:

- Some good analysis and a fair amount of research included

- Decent bibliography 

EBI:

- add more academic quotes

- More references, especially academic on p.1

- Shorter paragraphs

- Sort out footnotes 

- Dont use music videos as footnotes

- Audience theories not used in enough depth

- Add more theories

Page 2;

Www- good analysis and key conventions of music videos

Ebi- more detail in depth of theories

Page 3;

www- clear investigation which explores the topic clearly with research

ebi- use more theorists + mention theorists names

Page 4;

www- more about MIGRAIN which is good, a lot of close textual analysis

ebi- not much to say about SHEP

Page 6;

www- good knowledge of the topic and relevant information

ebi- can include a lot of issues and debates and how they've influenced change in hip hop music videos

Bibliography;

www- good amount of research and sources are relevant to the issue of your critical investigation

ebi- need tp check the format of the bibliography (punctuation, titles, authors are missing).


What I plan to change in my second draft:

• Fix punctuation errors on p.1 and throughout the essay
• Make the bibliography layout consistent i.e brackets, initials etc
• Include wider contextual analysis e.g.drug use  in America
• Include more academic quotes 
• Include ideally more books mentioned throughout the essay