WWW:
- Some good analysis and a fair amount of research included
- Decent bibliography
EBI:
- add more academic quotes
- More references, especially academic on p.1
- Shorter paragraphs
- Sort out footnotes
- Dont use music videos as footnotes
- Audience theories not used in enough depth
- Add more theories
Page 2;
Www- good analysis and key conventions of music videos
Ebi- more detail in depth of theories
Page 3;
www- clear investigation which explores the topic clearly with research
ebi- use more theorists + mention theorists names
Page 4;
www- more about MIGRAIN which is good, a lot of close textual analysis
ebi- not much to say about SHEP
Page 6;
www- good knowledge of the topic and relevant information
ebi- can include a lot of issues and debates and how they've influenced change in hip hop music videos
Bibliography;
www- good amount of research and sources are relevant to the issue of your critical investigation
ebi- need tp check the format of the bibliography (punctuation, titles, authors are missing).
What I plan to change in my second draft:
What I plan to change in my second draft:
- Fix punctuation errors on p.1 and throughout the essay
- Make the bibliography layout consistent i.e brackets, initials etc
- Include wider contextual analysis e.g.drug use in America
- Include more academic quotes
- Include ideally more books mentioned throughout the essay